we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
