you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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