you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
