It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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