dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
