He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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