just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
