M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
