What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
