Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's get the cat blown out
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
