The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what day is it and did you see me today?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
