I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
