Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
