This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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