I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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