im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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