i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
