PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
