WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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