Are we in a gay sports bar?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
