his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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