I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
