Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
