I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
