I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
