I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
