Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize