I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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