It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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