yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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