why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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