i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
