your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
