Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
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