you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
