sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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