Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
