now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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