I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
