you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
