No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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