you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
