Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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