The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
