My cat gives me a boner
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
