Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
