Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
