Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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