Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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