Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
