first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
