I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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