At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
