"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
