You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Pooping to opera.
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