my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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