I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
