So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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