Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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