She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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