i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
