I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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