If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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