fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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