ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
