needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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