ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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