yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
