final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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