He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
