I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Just high enough for therapy.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
