I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
