i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You brought string cheese to the strip club
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
