I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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