I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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