She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
