i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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