I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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